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Thursday, February 21, 2008

Who's a what now?

I saw this on the web today and I think this headline falls securely into the "No Shit" category...



What do you think?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Bad Student Metaphors

I received this in my email the other day. It was way funnier than I thought it would be so I had to post it here.

Thanks, Lindsay



Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
across the country.

Here are last year's winners:
  1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

  2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

  3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

  4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

  5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

  6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

  7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

  8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

  9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

  10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

  11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

  12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

  13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

  14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

  15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

  16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

  17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

  18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

  19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

  20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

  21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.

  22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

  23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

  24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

  25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Monday, February 18, 2008

I ate what?

So today for lunch I decided to try a new place that I had heard about from a couple of co-workers last week. Moe's Southwest Grill just opened it's newest location out here in Webster. Check out their website here: www.moes.com

Tucked in the plaza between Key Bank and Justice: Just for Girls at 1044 Ridge Road in Webster it's easy to miss. Walking in is a little intimidating at first. Right off the bat you are greeted with a hearty "WELCOME TO MOE'S" by no less than four of the people working behind the counter. The food is served up cafeteria style...by which I mean you get in line and when the first guy asks you what you want you'd better be ready order or you're going to be holding up the works. Once you've ordered your food it's passed along to the next person to be built...ultimately passing through several hands before being ready for purchase. Fast paced...be prepared to take a few minutes to look over the menu before stepping into the line. It's also a good idea to listen to how other people are ordering and the questions they're being asked...you'll be asked much of the same.

I ordered the Close Talker Salad in a taco shell. Lettuce, black beans (you have the choice of pinto as well), chicken (beef or steak is available), salsa, cucumbers. I could have thrown on cheese and jalapenos as well, but I was attempting to be a bit on the healthy side.

So I guess the big question was, how was it? Simply put, it was pretty good. The taco shell was crisp and flaky and NOT greasy. The veggies were fresh and crisp. The chicken was not terribly juicy, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it dry either...it was marinated in a tex-mex blend of spices, cooked and shredded. The salsa was chunky and fresh with that hint of fresh cilantro that all real salsas have. I ordered it with the vinaigrette dressing on the side and to be honest I didn't end up using much of it as the salad had so many flavors going on that I didn't see the need to cover them up.

I left feeling satiated and not weighed down as I often do with "fast" food. The menu items are a bit on the pricey side. All told with my salad and my medium drink it cost me $8.51. While that price isn't too bad it is enough to keep me from going there more than occasionally.

Moe's places itself squarely between Subway and Panera Bread. It's not "fast food" by any means...I really feel that it falls into the "fresh food fast" category. It's like an indoor tex-mex lunch wagon which isn't a bad thing.

I'm sure I'll go back...gotta try a burrito (they're HUGE!) and the tacos look good as well.